Red Foot Garden

Painful whines and screams emanate from a small child.  The mother, standing nearby, attempts to ease the suffering of the boy.

“What’s the matter Johnny?  Why are you crying?”

“My tummy hurts mommy!  It hurts!”

“Well, let me see what I can do to help. ”

The mother walks into the other room and grabs a pink bottle of medicine.

“Here you go Johnny, this will help ease your stomach pain so that you can be more comfortable.  All you need to do is take a spoonful or two.”

“I don’t want to take the medicine.  My tummy hurts!”

“I know that your tummy hurts Johnny, that’s why you have to take the medicine.  Don’t worry about the taste, it will go down quickly.”

“But, what is that bright pink stuff going to do for me.  How can something that is so bright pink do anything to help me.”

“You can’t judge something by how it looks.  It may be a big, pink bottle of medicine, but all you need is a tiny bit and you will start feeling better really soon. ”

“I don’t want to drink that stuff instead of juice, I like juice.  Why do I have to stop drinking juice?  Apple juice is my favorite.  Can’t I just have a little bit of juice?”

“You don’t have to stop drinking juice.  All you have to do is take a little bit of this and when you start feeling better you can have some juice, apple juice if you want”

“No I can’t.  You will make me drink some disgusting tasting pink stuff instead.”

After a long back-and-forth conversation of innocently uninformed arguments against sensible reason, clarity prevailed and the mother was able to pretend the medicine was an airplane, and provide incentives for the child to suck it up and take the medicine that he so desperately needed.  A moment later the medicine was ingested, the child was given a cup of apple juice, and the tears quickly dried on the puffy cheeks of little Johnny.

Tonight I have another Kung Fu class.  So far I have started out skeptical, then I grew to like it a bit, and finally this past Tuesday I realized that it may not be something that I can continue.  Tuesday’s class really bothered me.  At one point I had an internal explosion of frustration, and I had to take a short walk and breathe deeply.  Since then I have been wrestling with myself to try and understand why I became so frustrated.  I try to be objective in my consideration.

My first impression is that the problem exists due to perception.  I thought of the class as a good way to get a workout, and a good way to become balanced and relaxed.  The class will certainly allow for a good workout, and will also provide balance and relaxation.  However, there is also the discipline of learning the forms and techniques of Kung Fu.  Since the learning of the form and technique is so central to the class, my perception of the class as exercise and mental relaxation completely ignores a fundamental aspect of the course. My perceptual neglect for the necessity of perfect form demands that my experience be negative.

While I am in the middle of practicing I am exercising and relaxing my mind.  If I am constantly interrupted and told that I am doing it wrong, that I need to relax more, the exercise is cut short and the relaxation is ruined.  It is not the Kung Fu class that is the problem, it is my perception of the class which must change if I am to continue.

There is a lot of truth behind the paragraph above, but I’m convinced that there could be other factors.  I can’t leave this explanation without diving further into my subconscious to find all of the reasons for my frustration.

I do not like to be touched by strangers.  I am a very solitary person.  I often think of myself as a hermit, and as a potential recluse.  Practicing forms with strangers and being in constant contact with their sweaty flesh is not something that I enjoy in the least.  I thrive on the physical activity, but I can get that from punching a bag, running, lifting weights, and doing other exercises that do not involve a partner.  This is what I truly need, but I was drawn to the discipline of working out with a class.

If I was looking for discipline, why do I dislike being corrected so much?  Is it really just because my relaxation and exercise is interrupted by the correction, or is it the corrections themselves that bother me so much.  I do not take failure well.  Do I not like the class because I am not yet proficient?

I still have not decided whether or not I will continue to attend class.  The next class is tonight, so I will have to make a decision at some point.  Hopefully I can organize my feelings and make an informed decision.

A question that I have to answer of myself is – am I a coward if I do not attend class, or am I a fool if I do attend class.  Funny that I force myself to decide between being a coward and a fool, but such is the nature of my mind.