Kung Fu class is not for me
Tonight I have another Kung Fu class. So far I have started out skeptical, then I grew to like it a bit, and finally this past Tuesday I realized that it may not be something that I can continue. Tuesday’s class really bothered me. At one point I had an internal explosion of frustration, and I had to take a short walk and breathe deeply. Since then I have been wrestling with myself to try and understand why I became so frustrated. I try to be objective in my consideration.
My first impression is that the problem exists due to perception. I thought of the class as a good way to get a workout, and a good way to become balanced and relaxed. The class will certainly allow for a good workout, and will also provide balance and relaxation. However, there is also the discipline of learning the forms and techniques of Kung Fu. Since the learning of the form and technique is so central to the class, my perception of the class as exercise and mental relaxation completely ignores a fundamental aspect of the course. My perceptual neglect for the necessity of perfect form demands that my experience be negative.
While I am in the middle of practicing I am exercising and relaxing my mind. If I am constantly interrupted and told that I am doing it wrong, that I need to relax more, the exercise is cut short and the relaxation is ruined. It is not the Kung Fu class that is the problem, it is my perception of the class which must change if I am to continue.
There is a lot of truth behind the paragraph above, but I’m convinced that there could be other factors. I can’t leave this explanation without diving further into my subconscious to find all of the reasons for my frustration.
I do not like to be touched by strangers. I am a very solitary person. I often think of myself as a hermit, and as a potential recluse. Practicing forms with strangers and being in constant contact with their sweaty flesh is not something that I enjoy in the least. I thrive on the physical activity, but I can get that from punching a bag, running, lifting weights, and doing other exercises that do not involve a partner. This is what I truly need, but I was drawn to the discipline of working out with a class.
If I was looking for discipline, why do I dislike being corrected so much? Is it really just because my relaxation and exercise is interrupted by the correction, or is it the corrections themselves that bother me so much. I do not take failure well. Do I not like the class because I am not yet proficient?
I still have not decided whether or not I will continue to attend class. The next class is tonight, so I will have to make a decision at some point. Hopefully I can organize my feelings and make an informed decision.
A question that I have to answer of myself is – am I a coward if I do not attend class, or am I a fool if I do attend class. Funny that I force myself to decide between being a coward and a fool, but such is the nature of my mind.
Learn to be patient with yourself. Learning anything takes time and sometimes, sacrifice. Kung Fu is a very difficult martial art. In order to be effective, however, the moves have to be executed in a certain way. What you’re trying to learn is muscle-memory. But there is no sence learning it wrong. If I was to teach you to ride a motorcycle but didn’t correct you when you made a potentially serious mistake, you would be the one to pay the price. And I would be a shitty teacher.
Ego is the problem. You believe you should be perfect. So, when someone corrects you, it threatens the very basis of who you think you are. Very important though, it does NOTHING to who you REALLY are. Ovserve the ego at work, trying to defend itself from percieved attacks and you will see it for the illusion it really is.
Kung Fu is more than a system of excercises and physical moves. It can be a path into self discovery and awakening. Growth is never easy, so try to have fun with it. Lighten up and don’t take yourself so seriously. You are exactly where you should be.
I have similar issues with being corrected. I’ve learned (through internal struggles) that being corrected will actually help me get it right faster. Even though I’m much more inclined to want to get it right the first time myself.
Ed is right, the key is to not take yourself to seriously – once I learned how to laugh at myself and mistakes, I was a whole lot happier…plus didn’t have the frustration and stress that comes along with trying to be perfect.
I find that doing yoga on my own in my house is best for me. It not only strengthens your mind and body, it also gives me the sense of peace and feeling light. I too have noticed a bulge in my belly that I gnash my teeth at. I’ve always been slender, but there are times when I think “hmm…I have done much exercise lately, I’m surprised that I’m still thin” then lo and behold the next day I see myself as “fat”. So, whenever I catch a glance of myself or feel my clothes pinching, I say to myself that I am lean and healthy, and imagine myself the way I want to look. I believe this really helps, and if it doesn’t well it won’t hurt me to think kindly of myself.
I agree with you, to a certain extent. As you say, in order to be effective at Kung Fu the moves must be executed properly. I do not plan on engaging in any situation where I need to execute Kung Fu properly. I don’t feel the need to prepare for battle of any sort. As I mentioned, this was a perception problem that stemmed from my short-sightedness. I was looking for exercise and relaxation, but neglected to take into account the fact that I am studying fighting, which I really don’t want to be involved with.
An ego trip taken by a classmate that is not conscious of his own ego is not something that I will willingly subject myself to. I am the master of my own life, and I am free to make decisions that benefit my well-being. I have already felt a great relief by making up my mind to stand my ground – and I am proud of myself for doing so.
I definitely realize that it also is associated with my own inflated ego, but keep in mind I do try very hard and am very conscious of keeping my ego in check. As you can see by my blog posts, most of my musings are really struggles with my ego. This is a war that I am constantly waging against myself. I suppress my ego as much as possible by questioning my every motive – or at least that is the hope.