A welcomed end to the week

Today is Friday, and I am very happy that this week is ending. I sort of knew this would be a rough week, and I’ll be happy to be starting a new one – but just after I refresh myself with a nice, relaxing weekend.

Actually, it may not be all THAT relaxing. Among a few other things, in the plans thus far is a pizza dinner with the father and sister-in-law and a trip to the Wachovia Center for the UFC fights (I know UFC is barbaric, but I am drawn to it. Guilty pleasure, I admit).

I am excited to go see the UFC fights. I’ve never been to one live, and I’ve only been to one boxing event live. I will have to rest and caffeine-up to stay awake for the entire event.

My brain is cluttered right now with too many thoughts. I can’t concentrate on creating coherent thoughts that are worth documenting. Leaving it at this for now… ugh.

Drying off

It is less than a half an hour before noon, and I am still drying off. Last night I managed to leave the sun roof wide open, and this morning I had a nice and soggy drive into work. I decided that I would stop to pick up a dry outfit, which I did. However, I never actually changed into the dry outfit. I’m brilliant like that… complaining about being wet while sitting next to a brand new pair of pants and a brand new shirt. My mental blocks and oddities don’t necessarily make perfect sense – or at least I haven’t been able to understand them completely.

Last night I watched a very interesting “talk” about success and how we define successes and failures. It was a very insightful lecture, and the takeaway that I got was that it is most important that we are the authors of our own ambitions – that our definition of success is our own definition, and is not something that was inherited from an outside source.

The lecture (by Alain de Botton: A Kinder, Gentler Philosophy of Success) mentioned that the primary source of one’s image of success is their parent. For boys, their father is usually what defines success. For girls, their mother is their image of success. What do I consider successful, and from whom did I acquire this concept? My gut instinct is to say that my mother provided me with my vision of success on a conscious level, and my father provided me with my subconscious idea of success. Between these two, very different versions of success I have crafted my own concept of success – but what is it?

I think that success is being content with one’s self. Internally we have a subconscious definition of success that drives our happiness and our dissatisfaction. When we are happy, we are successful. When we are upset, we have not been successful. This is the basis for understanding our own concept of success. Once this is realized, we just have to be clear on what makes us happy, and what disappoints us.

I can say this… forgetting to close the sun roof on a rainy night was quite disappointing to me. I was not happy as I drove toward work soaking wet.  15 minutes after beginning to type this, I am still wet and sitting next to a brand new, dry outfit that I will not put on for many reasons – mostly my own insanity and self-consciousness…  I struggle to understand my own motivation.

Thoughts on a Tuesday

This is post #2. It would appear that I was so lazy that I did not post yesterday. This isn’t entirely true, as the site was undergoing some changes and I didn’t want to or have time to add a post to the mix. This is my blog’s 3rd day of existence, and it has already moved/migrated and enveloped my website. Big things will happen with this blog!

Anyway, today has started out nicely. I had to stop at Target on the way to work, and I was still able to get to the office on time. I bought some black pants for Kung Fu. Now I won’t look like a sore thumb being the only one in class without black pants.

Tonight is the second Kung Fu class, and I am really excited about it. Having paid for class, it is a good driving force for me to continue to keep up with my exercising. I am still feeling the pain from my broken collar bone, but that should subside.

I am also still feeling the trails of my SSRI withdrawal. Today marks my 3rd week without the SSRIs, and I’m feeling better by the day. Those brain zaps are terrible!