It has been a while, by design…
It has been a really long time since I’ve posted anything on this blog – over 2 months! This has sort of been by design. I started to get upset with myself for not posting often enough, and I felt pressured to continue posting. While I felt the pressure to post, I never was able to post as often as I wanted to. Rather than being a fun foray into a new activity, it became a new chore that pressed on me. To relieve myself of this feeling of obligation, I’ve stopped posting to help remove this attachment.
I feel better, and today I’m posting something that is on my mind rather than coming up with something to post arbitrarily.
Last night I had a long running nightmare. In my dream I chased down and tried to murder a childhood friend of mine. I know, completely brutal. In the dream I pinned down this old friend of mine and bludgeoned his head with a hammer until his brain was exposed. There was no motivation for this act, as far as I know. Once his skull was crushed and I was about to complete the act, I stopped. I left him barely alive, and the rest of the dream was running and trying to keep all of this a secret. I told a few people, and much of the anxiety of the dream was wondering if I could trust those who I had told. I was essentially waiting for the police to show up and take me away, but I wasn’t just sitting and waiting.
I don’t know what this dream means, or why I had it. I don’t even know why I am posting this, other than to get it off of my chest.
I’ll continue to post to this blog as necessary, but I’m not making any promises =)